In The Shyness Guide I say that if you accept your shyness you will become less shy.
This is not a contradiction. If you were born shy – and most of us are – when you try to not be shy you are creating a problem, not solving one. Here are some comments about this in The Shyness Guide.
Just stop trying to be like other people.
There is a core part of you that is unchangeable and indestructible, that cannot be damaged in any confrontation, humiliation or defeat that you meet in life.
But grand ideas about yourself, fantasies that have no foundation, are things that are easily hurt. The last thing you need is an unreal inflated notion of yourself, especially the common one many shy solitary people have of being secretly superior. Ideas like that are useless and should be tossed aside.
To respect yourself, you not only need to develop your strengths, you also have to accept your limitations and weaknesses, including your shyness. If you can do that, you will be surprised how much stronger you will feel.
That passage follows a section where I explain that the Clint Eastwood character in the Corleone westerns (The Man with No Name, For a Few Dollars More, etc.), who silently stares people down, is a shy man (he is as avoidant as can be) who has learned to accept his shyness. That’s where his confidence comes from – his certainty about who he is.
Of course, success in real life isn’t achieved by shooting the people who get in your way, as it is in those movies. The real world is a labyrinth of behavior and problems.
But you can succeed in the real world while still being yourself. Read The Shyness Guide and see what I mean.